Wednesday, January 28, 2009

My Job Description ~

June Cleaver is the ultimate "SAHM". If June Cleaver had a Computer ~ would she spend the day on it? Would she have a Blog? What would she Blog about? Stain Removal? The Secret to a Perfect Pie Crust? Would she order take-out or Pizza for Dinner for her Family?

I try so hard to be like June Cleaver ~ but most days I'm probably more like Peg Bundy.

Yes ~ Peg Bundy would spend countless hours on the Computer and I know she would have a Blog, Facebook, MySpace and Twitter. AND she WOULD order Pizza for Dinner.

This morning the following "Job Description" was waiting for me in my "Inbox". I subscribe to
The Brat Factor 365 Surprises and today it was about being a Mom (or Dad). If you're not familiar with The Brat Factor website ~ it's a Fabulous site. Hope this brings a smile ....... Enjoy

Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

For the rest of your life you must: Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair,mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION : None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE : None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION : Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS : While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love,and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

PARENTS in appreciation for everything you do on a daily basis, please know that you are appreciated for the fabulous job you do.


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